Man sometimes I miss school (even though it’s been like 2 decades since I’ve been in school, lol) because there was ONE really cool thing about school – my art buddies!
I’ve been having a long term fight with myself to re-find my inner artist – those of you that know me, know that part of my story well. Those that do not know me, well – suffice it to say that I somehow, in my teens buried a very large part of myself without realizing it, and part of that was my art.
I figured it out in my mid-30′s – and have been battling to reconnect to the wildly creative and productive and prolific artist that I truly am inside. It hasn’t been easy, progress has been painfully slow and sometimes there hasn’t been progress at all, but ever so surely, little step by little step, I have been moving back into myself.
I’m really close right now. I can smell it, sometimes – I can almost touch it. It runs under my skin, teases my nerves, flirts with my muses, but dances away, like some succubus that appears and leaves seductively in the night.
I know it’s connected to my spirituality – or rather that it is missing for the same reasons that my spirituality went missing … whatever happened, happened to them both at the same time, awnd they ARE deeply and unabashedly connected and entwined.
I’ve been reclaiming my spirituality at the same time, and I think I’m RIGHT THERE too – almost plugged in … so close, so close. It taunts me even as it lures me in deeper, closer, darker, lighter, until I am doing a strange lurching waltz with some shapeless intangible thing that exists outside of myself whilst at the same time, inside of myself.
I think what’s missing is that communial thing artists have when they get together in a group and create. When they come together and talk regularly. Yes, I know I get this from my myriad of groups, mailing lists, forums, and artist communities online, BUT .. there is something special about when artists are right THERE – in the flesh with you.
It’s a pristine and magical kind of connection – it’s fun and it has it’s own unique charge, it’s own vibe. I seriously need to find me some good art buddies – who like to get together for gab sessions and maybe even a get together to create together. Yeah, that sounds SO cool! I’d love to have art buddies that were local to me and that I could visit regularly!
Does any of this make sense? Shoot, maybe it’s the extra shot of espresso talking. LOL! But all I want to do right now is create, and here I am stuck at work. Ugh. But in my mind, in my psyche, I’m waltzing with my paintbrushes and boogieing down with my clay right now, unchained, untamed, and utterly free. Whee! 
Posted under Minor Musings
This post was written by Faerydae on July 28, 2010
